Exhausting. That is how every day is presenting itself to me. As a completely exhausting experience, physically and emotionally. I have faced everyday the uncertainty of my position in the public sector, starting with salary, moving on to job structure and now just wavering onto the issue of how many jobs there are going to be.
I have never loved change really. It was bad enough I spent the first few years of my career like a nomad bouncing sporadically around. I found myself completely freaking out about things occasionally, just through the fact I had never had the chance to lay down any roots. Now, three years later, and living with the guy I love, I face the possibility of the whole comfy foundation of my life being shaken up and possibly taken away. Fingers crossed I’m just being a complete drama queen about it all, who knows.
I could not really enjoy Nigella, I was so stressed tonight. Although I have taped it. It was worth it just to see her kids now as teenagers, her daughter looking quite glam now she has grown into her face, her son’s face being obscured by a mop of curly hair. Very cute to see the family Lawson. Love Nigella, lover her fake kitchen more. I love that it is the worlds biggest insurance risk, due to the sheer number of strings of fairy lights dotted around the home. The string in the pantry itself must make the policy double in price. The cheesecake did make me speak to the television like I anticipated a response. From the butter biscuit base, which I could cope with, it was the volume of cream cheese, sugar and sour cream that made me say ” bloody hell Nigella”, like I was seeking a justification from her for the fact I felt I would need to be on a bloody pressure monitor whilst eating.
I sought some solace through my initial stress and anguish, so i made a chilli. I always forget it needs about three hours slow cooking, which never does if you start at 6.30pm. So I whacked up the heat a bit. It was a tad liquid, but since dinner it’s thickened and it will be awesome tomorrow. I also made a coffee and walnut cake, from the Nigella Kitchen book. So I have now lined up brownies, cupcakes and a coffee and walnut cake, all begging to be eaten. It’s Pete and I vs obesity. My stress busting baking regime will do nothing for my quest for the perfect abs or a fat free bum. I will have to resign myself to that one. I think this is one of my Ina lessons- if life is getting too heated, escape to the kitchen. It works for me. And I made my cake by hand due to the added stress that corms from extracting the ken wood chef from the box, cleaning it post cake mix, setting it back up, then washing the buttercream off it. Ina has taught me that not only must the experience of eating food be a pleasure, when things are less than ideal the preparation of food can be just as much of a comfort. I’m all for that, I can tell you. Oh Ina, how you’ve fed my soul. Such buttery comfort, in your own inimitable style.
Pete turned into bed early due to his stress levels being astronomical. He has his conference tomorrow at Ponds Forge, and wants it to go well, poor little lamb. He has not slept for a few days as a result. Fingers crossed it will be a success, I want him to be happy. And if he is happy, my life will be a lot easier! Although between us, we have enough stress for the North of England.
So answers on a postcard on what to do if not Law at the council. Where will I go? What would I do? Should I do more of the same? Should I take a risk? What makes me happy? I just don’t know anymore. I’d love to know mind. Is there a dream job for me in reach? Again, if you know, please share with me. I’m clueless.
No Ina today. Just Nigella. And Nigella was worth it, but thank god for Sky Plus. Once I’m emotionally sedated, I can enjoy the comfiness of Nigella’s fake life like God intended me too.
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