Yes people I’m a bit down at present. I’m currently in the middle of yet another existential crisis. Who am I world? Why am I here? Why does this existence seem to be the human equivalent of a dog chasing his tail around and round and round?
I’m a bit blue about work to be honest. I think if I felt at all secure in work, I’d find other things to Occupy my thoughts. Holidays, trips away, nice purchases, anything. But I have nothing like that to look forward to right now as we want to get past the issue of what does the future hold for us first of all. I mean, our plan was to maybe go to Mykonos for 10 days, but if I’m on £70 a week job seekers that’s not feasible! But if I’m not, away we go. It’s just the thought, the unknown, the realism of what it may be to be without a salary even in the short term, it’s almost impossible to fathom.
I’m also having confidence crises linked with it all. Seeing as it’s all centred around how competent we are, it’s surprising now how many times a day I doubt how much I actually know, do and can do. I get bogged down in the myriad of conversations I hear around me about this issue, from people who are the masters of their own self promotion about what they do, what people ought be saying and how no one else needs to worry as they think they are wonderful. It makes me laugh that I get so affected by People, that someone who I don’t even like at all today told everyone but me that they were completely safe and that they should not worry. It was maybe not even a deliberate act, but that I’m still thinking about it before I go to bed, it’s stupid to pretend I’m not bothered by this. So yes world, I’m blue.
This bullshit economy and this bollocky shite recovery, including the sacrificial public servants does not fill me with joy and hope. Instead I feel a bit desperate for where one may go after this. Capable, or incapable, one has to dust of and regroup elsewhere I suppose. But tell me that when I’m slumped in a corner eating my 43rd cupcake of the day. I suppose I do always have my baking, I could try my hand at Greggs. Do you think my proficiency with a Kenwood Chef will help with frozen sausage rolls? Me either.
Sorry world if im a bit of a misery. I will fix up, look sharp. I have new Ina to look forward to. New TR I hope. New variants on the scone no doubt. And more Jeffrey. God bless America. X
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