Post-indulgence analysis

Hello everyone, including Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge if you are reading. Congrats, Duchess!

Well, the wedding feels like a lifetime ago now. It was a long assed day for me, more on that to come. I Rose at 7am to prep. I had bread to bake, salmon to slice, eggs to scramble, bacon to crisp. It was a militarised operation for team Windsor. I was joined by my fellow revellers Anne, Abi, Mel and Pete within moments of being awake. We began our viewing immediately. BBC of course. Who would watch any other coverage. Now a lot of hate is being heaped on the BBC. Why? I love it. Huw Edwards was very witty. I loved it. Paula Reed discussing the sartorial choices? Simon Sharma making cringeworthy observations? Loved it. Plus Sophie Raworth looked fierce.

The wedding was amazing. The food was fabulous. The cava flowed from 10am. We waited for the VIPs to arrive before we launched the alcohol. It felt wrong to start sooner. With every glass we toasted, the principle toast being to Susan, the Queen’s favourite corgi. Alas we fear Susan is no longer with us, seeing as she was an 18th birthday present. But her memory lives on.

The commoners arrived from 8.30am. I was uncomfortable with the description of the Beckhams as commoners. I would say they are VIPs. Joss Stone is a commoner. I mean, she never wears bloody shoes. Common as heck. Although she did look quite cute on the day. The weight loss was a good move.

The over excitement was palpable. We squealed with excitement when the car taking Wills and Harry left Clarence House. We also screamed when we saw the slightest shot of the veiled head of Kate Middleton as she once was. The dress was the big thing. Wow. She looked amazing. Very Grace Kelly, very simple. In the royal wedding dress hierarchy she is rivalling Princess Margaret. Its weird, as this is the first thing we have had where I felt I knew the Royal getting wed. Prince William is my generation of Royal. I remember his first day at school, going to Eton, buying that Spice Girls poster from Our Price, then going to St Andrews. It s very exciting to then see him become a married man.

The debate went on to how long will it be before she bears a child. The world appears to believe her fertility will have had to be proven before wedlock was agreed. It’s a small price to pay to be tested like breeding stock for a life of privilege.

The other revelation was James Middleton. Hot. And a baker. If anyone knows James, pass on my URL and tell him to add me on Facebook. Or something. Hot. And as ever, the Sarah Ferguson curse obviously was evident in spite of her not being present. Beetroot and Cream Cheese were wearing some horrendous headgear that looked like some attempt by a 1st year fashion student at a low rate community college’s attempt at Gaga wedding gear. I don’t care if Dame Vivienne Westwood was responsible, they looked like a comedic characters in some ridiculous farce. And typically those characters are always spinsters. Take note Beetroot and Cream Cheese.

So post do, we kept on drinking and eating. Until we needed exercise. Therefore we proceeded to walk into town for a look around and an obligatory drink. We bumped into Stephen Hendry and Steve Davis. They were having a chat with Hazel Irvine. Poor old Hazel and co, they missed the wedding. They didn’t see Harry looking back at Kate whilst she walked towards the alter. It’s not like they could escape the highlights mind, seeing as for at least 24 hours after the event, it appears the day’s news was paused whilst we all went mad for the royals, irrespective of the apathy that tends to usually exist.

We had a couple more drinks, when all of a sudden I bumped into two of my old Keeleites, Kate and Jane, who I swear I have not seen since about 2001/2002. Completely mental, looking up in a Sheffield bar on a bank holiday! It’s a real shame I am a horrific drunkard, as I fear I spent about 15 minutes saying “I’m so drunk” whilst talking about Autism! But it was a lovely addition to the day, as the girls are so fabulous!

The day turned into night, and Amy joined in being an absolute superstar as she joined a party 9 hours late and was not at all ill at ease! We headed to Le Bistrot Pierre, Mel, Pete and I having obtained a grumpy taxi driver who seemed to enjoy a middle of the road love song like no other. Dusty Springfield, Atlantic Star…. All the late night love classics that have blighted commercial radio for years. It all seemed to be going well, when I think Anne seemed to be defeated by the days events, and grew a little weary. She retired at around 10.30pm, a time where I must admit had it not been for Amy being with us I would have considered an early exit myself. So I steeled myself and carried on. I’m afraid that I gained a second wind. It was more than a second wind, it was like a bloody great force of nature. Dempseys is a magical place, a bar which you forgive for being a hole as you find yourself dragged into the hilarity. Sadly for Mel, Abi, Amy and Pete they were equally dragged into the booze soaked hilarity, which meant that any activity based Saturday plans went to pot.

Saturday turned into nibbles, films, Downton Abbey, Vietnamese takeaway, and a modicum of wine. In many ways it was perfect. Except for the fact that I had to do a Jane Marple impression when Anne was missing when I awoke. None of us for a second thought the answer to the question “where’s Anne?” was going to be just getting off the tram at Meadowhall, but hey, it was an adventure of smears.

So Mel suffered at the hands of captain vodka. Big style. Abi is some one woman tour de force when it comes to booze it seems and just stays on course. Pete is more disciplined than me and moderated himself for the rest of the weekend. Anne and I are just wine lovers, especially fizz. And never say no.

I took delivery from the Sky man Sunday, who realigned the dish and fixed our lack of signal. Mel left early (boo) and Anne, Abi, Pete and I headed into town and indulged in TK purchases. I got a new suit for Carly and Paul’s wedding. French Connection, for less than £100? Don’t mind if I do. I also got some Police sunglasses for less than £20. Can’t wait till Mykonos now. I have done my Mykonian Tourist Board impression, and the girls are sold. I just need to find them a fabulous deal so they can join us on our 2011 trip to the Greek Gay Mecca!

We had champagne and sandwiches in Endcliffe Park, followed by rather sweet sharp fizz in the botanical gardens. It was around this time we realised 3 days together had lead us to take on each other’s traits. I had adopted Abi’s word for bad, gash, and the girls had taken to announcing the presence of a suspected homosexual by shouting “gay”! I’m not sure they will take it home with them, however, as Pete and I legitimise the affection it’s said in, whereas two women shouting it tourettes style in Plymouth may lead people to fear they are members of some fundamentalist church.

In light of the girls early departure the next day, and the chilly wind, we headed back home. Anne and I left Abi and Pete watching James Bond whilst we indulged ourselves in some baked heaven. Red Velvet, Pecan Pie and Foccacia. Anne lead on the Pecan Pie which I was more novice in making. Although Anne won’t berate me for saying the use of the Hummingbird method was as new to her as me. Indeed, when one had to pray that the eggs don’t scramble, and continues the prayer whilst hot sticky sugar and syrup is being whisked into eggs, you know you are hoping for the best but in the hands of the gods! It worked. It worked beautifully. I used by new TK tart pan, which worked so well. There was a fear the tart may be a lot of pastry in a wide pan and teeny amount of pecan pilling. Alas, it Rose. Who knew?! It was gorgeous.


I also managed to actually take the butter out for the cream cheese frosting. I’m totally done trying to use any other cream cheese frosting recipe but the Love Bakery one. That always works for me. So I’m decided. It looks particularly good this week. The cake rose unevenly, but looks great.


We watched the new Brenda Blethyn crime drama. I still can’t follow what happened, or get the twist, and I have watched it all. It was all a bit confusing. It doesn’t help that I was so carbed up after a misjudged chip butty at lunch time that I think I was always going to struggle til 10am. So I went to bed. This morning I felt a bit better, but I’m a bit pickled. Was sad to say goodbye to Anne and Abi, but real life has to resume! What I do know, is that if we can pull off our holidays, it will be so much fun!

Pete and I tried to go for a run, but we were less than in peak condition. To say we did 11 on Thursday, 6 were a real struggle. But it’s Sheffield Half on Sunday, and Pete is wanting to do it, so will keep his enthusiasm up! We went to see Thor this afternoon, which was really good fun. Very dramatic, Shakespearian. It was unlike a comic book film really, Kenneth Branagh really told a story rather than connected set pieces. Rene Russo is up there with Alex Kingston as women who are ageing flawlessly.

And here we are. Tuesday tomorrow, back to the office. And I need to save my kidneys. A few days dry are definitely needed. My willpower shall be tested…..

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

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